if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
