just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
