Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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