never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
