My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
