1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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