Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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