Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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