my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
