they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize