So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
