If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize