Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I AM VODKA MAN
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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