I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
