Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
