P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
