We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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