hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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