Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
