I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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