Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
