So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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