yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
