WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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