u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
