So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
