I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
