lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
