Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
