corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize