The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
