I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize