I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
