All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
do herpes really smell.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
