its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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