So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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