theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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