On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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