my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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