just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
