I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
