how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
