Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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