I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
