And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
