Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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