and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
