Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
