Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
