I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
