do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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