I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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