do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
