got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
