Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
