Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
