it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
