You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
