We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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