I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
