Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
