the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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