I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
