you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
