I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
