if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
