And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize