im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
