So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
