i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I had to cum in my sink.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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