i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Enjoy the penises
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
